It can be hard for people to get into the mindset for sex magic, and what goes into it. Approaching the concept may be a struggle for a few different reasons. Insecurities, internalized shame, needing to be fully mentally engaged with the act, or even just discomfort in the approach. Approaching sexual energy as a magic tool can be nerve-racking for people when they’re unsure of how to touch on it. And there are many different approaches to it, and that can be confusing or even just overwhelming.
First, I will be focusing on the visualization method that we see more commonly in modern sex magic. Tantric practices, and other forms of sexual energy used in ritual or ceremony don’t really apply to my practice, and I recommend seeking out more information from those who do if you’re curious on that end. Here, I’ll be going over how to approach using this aspect of sex magic, and getting over the initial humps and bumps you may experience.
I would also like to take the time to explain that I am not a sex educator, and I am not here to teach you HOW to have sex. You should already have the base knowledge of how if you’re reading this, and I have no way of predicting what your bedroom life looks like. A lot of the more tender bits will be up to you, I am just here to explain the concept and an attempt at getting over some of the more common issues I’ve seen people report after attempts.
The Mind Set
Get in the mood. A lot of people just neglect the idea that sex magic needs you to be turned on. And maybe for some it’s easy to just start and hit a climax, but if you’re like me you need to be a bit more mentally engaged with it to get anywhere otherwise it’s just…. there? We all have had a bad partner before and who wants to give themselves something reminiscent of their ex’s poor performance? (No-do not call them. This is not a sign.) You’re going to want to treat this not just as an act of magic but also self-pleasure. That is where the magic comes from after all.
What are the things that put you in the mood? What are things that help you embrace sex? What are some steps you’d take before engaging with a sexual partner? What’s you’re preferred method and place? These are all equally important in your bedroom life as they are in sex magic. You want to build up sexual energy, so a lackluster climax is not going to help you out here. You’re going to want to get yourself ‘in it.’ Put on your date night perfumes, your sexy underwear, your playlist-whatever it may be that you need, make yourself more comfortable.
I personally love to use perfume oils in these cases, I have gotten a lot of mine from Bruja Perfume Lab. Beautiful scents, and heavily intoxicating, wearing them often helps me when it comes to approaching with the right mindset. I am also not affiliated with them as a business, I just have bought a lot of the ritual and spell oils and they’ve been huge boosts in these workings for me-if you wish to look into them, I recommend Dama de la Noche, Delicious little Slut, and Man Eating Whore. These three are usually my go-to for sex magic, and I’m certain you’ll understand why if you try them.
Some people struggle to approach sex magic because they feel this weird shame or pressure that what they’re doing is bad. Or they feel they need to have this specific approach because its ‘magic’ so they feel that can’t go in how they normally would for sex and get in their own heads about it. And sometimes the only issue is they just struggle to balance between their visualization and their act.
I myself am someone who needs to be mentally engaged in sex to feel like I can properly engage in it. If I stray too far away in my head, it might as well not even be happening, regardless of if it’s partnered or not. Most of these issues stem from not being in the right state of mind to approach sex or sex magic. It’s extremely important to remember that sex is half of sex magic, you need to build sexual energy to use it. You will only hinder yourself if you try to neglect this. You need to approach it how you would any other time.
If you are more so struggling with the act and concept the best thing you can do is relax and not be so rigid with yourself. Loosen up or do something to help you loosen up before hand, like hot showers or baths, body massages, foreplay before the ‘magic’ starts. It can be hard for me to predict what your particular hang up is and how to counteract it but working towards relaxation is almost always going to be the first step.
As for needing some specific flowery song and dance-that’s up to you. If it helps go for it entirely. If you feel this does not serve you or your path, why put on the show? Who’s watching? (Maybe don’t answer that…) All in all, how you do your set up and prep is kind of up to you. Even I like to do a good smoke cleanse before I partake, and sometimes I will take part in substances that make the experience a bit better. For me, this tends to be marijuana. It’s legal where I live and easy to access, as well as helps me relax and feel more in tune with my body. Some people like to drink a bit and enjoy other forms of aphrodisiacs like chocolate, strawberries, or tea blends.
The Visualization and Tips
So, how do we approach mixing the visualization into the sexual act? I myself struggled with this at first, trying to walk what felt like a tightrope between being present with myself and the manifestation I was working on. I routinely felt aggravated and often times could not get anywhere with it, I could either build sexual energy or I could think about what I was trying to manifest into my life.
What does this visualization look like though? Many people talk about it but they’re never really clear about it. Some express frustration over the vague terms or feel as if there has to be more than ‘thinking about something during sex.’ They don’t realize that they’re right, because it’s not JUST thinking about something while you do a sexual act, for me the easier approach was to see myself doing the sexual act for the thing I was thinking of-similar to a candle spell.
You light the candle you pick and burn it to manifest what you’re wishing for. The duration and effect depend on the spell you’re casting. In sex magic, the act is the flame, and your climax is when it’s time for the candle to go out. Your visualization is the color or anointment of the candle. Thinking of it in these terms helped me simplify it a lot for myself and others, and approach it with better sights in mind.
What is it you’re wanting to bring to yourself? Envision it. Whether it’s yourself as an accomplished person, with many accolades and a penthouse loft, or doing well enough you can afford property with land or starting a business from the ground up. You’re going to want to be relatively detailed in this, but you’re also not going to want to get to the point you’re only able to daydream about this.
Every ounce of pleasure, every moan or sigh, all of your efforts will be working towards this vision, the closer you get to climax the closer it is to you. As you feel yourself aching and yearning for your release, you’ll be closer to your dreams. Let this encourage you and keep you going, the pleasure you feel as you think about this dream is what you deserve. It is what you want, and reaching for it is making you feel good. Lean into the visualization and the pleasure, don’t focus too much on the separation of the two acts as much as combining them. You want to use the sexual energy towards what you want, hitting climax so that you can hit these goals.
Same thing would go for a partnered session, though I’d say it works much better when both you and your partner are working towards a shared want. Instead of just having someone play the role of the ‘visualizer’ and someone else do the heavy lifting, both of you working in tandem to the greater manifestation. Both of you participating equally will lead to greater result in the end goal.
Sexual Energy in Devotion
Some people decide to offer sexual energy as a devotional practice. This is approached by dedicating and building sexual energy to climax, in the name of the entity it is dedicated to. This again can be done either by yourself or with a partner and should be done in ways that you prefer for best results. How and when and where is all up to you, it is not my job to dictate your bedroom habits. The most important part about doing in devotion is you’re making it clear to yourself and the entity it’s for that it is in devotion of them-though I would warn against doing it ‘to’ them for lack of better words, unless otherwise approved.
This is not counting other forms of ritual or ceremonial sex, as I mentioned before, but there are also a few of these practices that may apply depending on your beliefs and practice. Don’t limit yourself to my way, feel free to expand and grow in the ways you wish to. This is something extremely personal, that you deserve to enjoy the way you’d intend. And with that, hopefully you have a bit of an idea of how to approach some of the more common hang ups with sex magic in manifestation.
If you experience a different issue, you’re free to leave it in the comments below, and I may touch on it in future blogs. Someone else may also experience this and have tips for you.
Share your thoughts!