You’re going to HELL!
Tell me something I don’t know. (The audience may now laugh)
Okay, so let’s just dive right in this. You know how usually as witches and pagans, even other religions (Abrahamic or not), we don’t really like it when we’re held to the standards of a religion that isn’t ours?
Specifically, were told things like “you’re going to hell!” “God will deal with you!” And we just think “Yeah, okayyyy.” Because to us it makes little sense as to why they think we’d be so scared of their god that we may not even believe in? Yeah…
“The three fold law!!!”
“Karma.”
You see where I’m going here right? Good. Keep this comparison in mind.
Just like a Christian lady telling us to go to hell, we’ve adopted similar sayings for each other that aren’t really all that different. Yes, yes I know, you never told them they were getting an eternity of damnation. But you still told them they’d face punishment from something they may not believe in. “You don’t have to believe in-” nope. That’s fear mongering rhetoric. “No matter what you believe in MINE is right and it WILL HURT YOU!” Or “you may not believe in god, but he still sees all.”
And that’s not the only reason it’s wrong. But I really need to stress the matter here that by adopting these sayings in this manner we are doing the exact same thing. “I’m trying to protect them” = “I’m trying to save your soul.” We’re continuing that overall gross aspect of “behave or be punished” which is ultimately unneeded-and sometimes completely unwanted. It’s a cycle that for many people they’re unsure how to break. and for some it didn’t even stem from religion itself! But we’ll talk about that later.
I get it, trust me I do. Most of us know mainstream religion, which is a lot of fear, especially in certain branches. It can be hard to go from all fear to none at all. But for some of us that’s exactly why we made the switch. We’re tired of living in fear. So why are we doing it to each other? Especially when a lot of it is based off of… not so correct information.
And It’s fine if you didn’t know, and simply follow suit of those around you. I can understand when you see something said so much you assume it’s true. But for the same reason not everyone wants to be told Blessed Be*, your religion/beliefs does not give you the right to try and push me into conforming to what makes you feel safe. That’s all it is.
(*Theres a lot of reasons why someone may not want to be told the phrase Blessed Be. If someone says stop, stop. Just because you didn’t mean it in a bad way, doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to ask you to stop, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.)
Sure, you can reword it all you want but when you boil down everything-it is simply one thing. I’m on a diet, so put down your sweets. That makes no sense right? You don’t want to be punished, so you tell me not to do it? That’s weird overall. My actions do not affect you, and if we don’t even share the same religious beliefs why would I get the same punishment as you?
It reminds me of being a kid and seeing a friend get to do something you’re not allowed to. You feel that initial pull to tell them not to, so they don’t get in trouble. But their parents weren’t going to punish them anyway, so you essentially just yelled at your friend for doing something they always do just because you’re not allowed to and it gave you a fear response even if only a small one.
Sure, it feels like it’s done in good nature, you’re only telling them not to so they don’t get in trouble. But you’re assuming the risks of their life for them and telling them to act according to the risks you know. Which is often associated with prominent life events or trauma (not all the time). A lot of people tend to lean that over cautiousness is always a symptom of abuse. It can be, but sometimes it’s stemmed from anxiety, which can happen for a number of reasons.
Three-Fold Law
Listen, it’s in the Wiccan Rede (and probably other religions out there but I haven’t had found any solid sources to which ones? Always open to learn). “Wiccan” Rede, and if you want to be Wiccan and follow it go ahead. But I’m not Wiccan. Never have I ever been. So why should I be held to a tenet I never agreed to?
To some witchcraft in general is a sin-and if you don’t want to be held to their standard why are you doing it to me? If I’m not Wiccan, and don’t follow the Three Fold Law, why should I have to follow it? Because you believe if I do, I’ll be punished? But we all get irritated when Christians tell us we’re going to hell. Though I get an odd sense of irony from it, considering most in my personal life know I’m a witch, but very few know I’m a demonolater.
Its something that has never made sense to me, because it’s essentially saying, “it’s okay if I do it though!” No it’s not. Fold your law three times sure but I don’t even fold my clothes*. Don’t know what to tell you.
*The author has a closet and would like to point that out. I do put my clothes away, just not in drawers.
Also, I do respect Wiccan’s in holding tenets they see they need. I may not respect Gardner as a person, but I respect what came out of it because it means something to people. But you holding me to your rede is the same as me forcing you to drink black coffee every morning because I do.
I love black coffee! It makes sense to drink it like that for me! What do you mean you don’t like it? It’s good for your heart! Do you not care about your heart?
The author would also like to point out they do think Black Coffee is superior, but I’d be a boldface LIAR if I didn’t admit all the little coffee accessories I’ve owned. Coffee is an art, okay? Enjoy your cup of perfectly tailored art, tailored to how you like it!
But it doesn’t work for everyone. Drinking black coffee isn’t always preferred. Drinking coffee at all may not be preferred! That’s okay. Always will be-that’s kinda the point of this post. That regardless of your beliefs and who agrees and who doesn’t, they are still your beliefs.
Personal Values
It’s okay to hold personal values. But they should be just that. Karma is a personal value. It’s something you live by for you. Not something you try to conform others into… for you? Because I’m the end that’s all it is. Not to mention how karma as a concept has been heavily misrepresented in media and witchcraft as a whole, and often times the idea that’s pushed upon people isn’t even the accurate belief behind karma.
It boils down that often times the reason people want others to be on “their side” of the line is essentially an idea of herd mentality-were all over here so we’re all right! And I know this isn’t going to come off the best, so bear with me.
If you need others to be sure of your beliefs, do you really believe?
What I mean by that, is over all if you have to have everyone on your side-that another viewpoint upsets you or makes you question it, it may not be something you actively believe in-you just “do.” And that can be broken down more.
Via psychology we’ve been given many studies, and some involving religion and how these habits tend to form. Most research points that this is essentially boiled down to the idea of confirmation bias being SOUGHT after.
Its also not an ultimately bad thing in itself. People feel more sound in their beliefs when a) many people agree, and b) it’s easy to get people to agree.
For an unrelated example we’ll say I really love cucumber water. I want to talk about it’s benefits and great taste to others.
Ending A: Everyone tries, and loves cucumber water. I feel very comfortable and secure in my belief that it’s good tasting, and good for the body.
Ending B: In a group of 10 people, 6 get sick and don’t enjoy cucumber water. They think it’s gross. 4 agree and love it. But there’s still those 6… why did they get sick? Why don’t they like it? I am suddenly not as secure and comfortable in my belief that cucumber water is good.
Ending B2: I tell the other 4 people who liked it what happened and they immediately jump in that those people are WRONG and must have just not washed their cups well enough! None of us are sick after all! And suddenly I’m pulled into a wave pool of needing reassurance and receiving it in a relatively othering manner.
These three examples are a very common happening for religion. But if you noticed, only 1 of three ended with me not feeling secure about my belief. And who wants to feel insecure? Literally no one.
And while it’s arguable that people should just feel secure in their own beliefs, it’s a lot harder to feel secure in something you can’t see, touch, or feel. So, when people struggle in that area, it leads to this need of others to conform, because they feel much more secure when others easily take their side.
This is what I meant when I mentioned at the beginning of this post, that sometimes the ebb and flow of “I’m right!!! Stop doing that!!” Doesn’t always stem from some big, horrid life event. Confirmation bias is just about everywhere in our lives and usually shows up in places we may not expect. But if you find yourself saying these things and feeling insecure but you’ve no anxiety or religious trauma-chances, are you just seek out confirmation bias. And a lot of times we do that in many aspects of our lives and don’t even realize it.
Think of a time you’ve taken a hard test and went to your classmates to discuss the difficulty. That’s a way of seeking confirmation bias, if you all think the test was hard it was hard! And there’s always that one kid who had no issue… and you all just go “But like… they’re SUPER SMART!” And if that kid says it was hard you all KNOW it was hard. Regardless of if the test was hard or not, instead of just accepting your own experience you wanted to measure it against others. Had you been the only person to find it hard you’d probably be pretty harsh to yourself over it.
And sometimes, we do this with religion. And there’s no need to try and conform, push, or measure our beliefs against others. It’s our personal belief and in this day and age there’s so many different things going on, if you can’t openly accept that you may want to do some inner searching and figure out the why, especially if you have a stronger reaction to disagreements.
Moving Away from This Mindset
I’ve noticed for people who are converting from a religion like Christianity or Catholicism they struggle more leaving these parts behind. I grew up in a pretty mixed race and secular family, so these mindsets were pretty much impossible. No one was wrong all just a different approach, we all saw it in a polytheist light and that people understood what they understood.
I can’t blame people for being stuck in their cycles when it’s hard to break but I want to bring light to these cycles and ways to step away from them.
And the best way to leave these types of cycles behind is to adapt a ‘no one can be wrong, unless I think I am the only one who is right’ thought process. Not just telling yourself that no one is wrong but CHALLENGING yourself in the idea that someone could be. For you to tell someone that they’re breaking the three-fold law and are going to get hurt means you have to tell them their belief is wrong and yours is right.
When you challenge the idea that you have to be right, you’re more likely to let the thought process go, changing instead from center on the other individual and their practice and now your own thoughts and why they’re presenting this way. You decenter the beliefs of others and center your thoughts and feelings about your beliefs, which in the end will lead you to feeling more self-assured. When you feel self-assured you are more likely to adapt to the beliefs that ring true to you and not true to what you know.
Hey there! If you read this far, consider subscribing to my newsletter. I do my best not to spam you, and often times post commentary on the community or educational post. I also from time to time dabble in some witchy business practices that I am always open to discuss!
If you like recommendations, spells, tips and tricks, and want to hear about my (coming at some point I promise) book on witchcraft, you’ll want to get updates! If this post hasn’t convinced you, check out my others before deciding.
If you really like my work and want to support these blog posts, consider making a donation on my about the author page. Everything I post on here is free and earns me no income, and all support means the world to me, but will always remain optional.
Until then, may you find guidance and strength on your path.
Share your thoughts!